Have you ever been look down on? Or have you ever thought that you weren't fat until a person tells you so?

I admit that i'm fat and i've been in this state for almost 3 years. Previously, i just don't want to admit the fact, because of those tumblr inspiring quotes that says: If you think you're beautiful, you're beautiful. If you think you're fat, then you're fat. So i tried my best to escape from reality. I don't know why but the boys in my school loved to tease me alot. I think it's because i always kaopei them. You know kaopei? As in, you always snap rudely at whatever comment they make about you. But they don't know the reason why i snap at them.

Nobody knows, not even my bestest friend. So i open this: I snap at people mainly because when i was in Primary 4, i get bullied a lot. And when i say a lot, it means a lot. I don't even offend my classmates then and they just typically like to tease me. They teased me so much that it became bullying. I cried a lot of times then. I told my dad to tell the teacher in my class but he just want me let it go. Let the matter go, not once, twice, but a lot of times. Since then, whenever somebody get so close to me and make a somewhat rude comment about me, i'll snap angrily at them. Eventually, it became my personality and because i like to joke around, it became some of my jokes too.

So, get back to the topic. The boys in my school NOW, loved to tease me. I don't mind them teasing me, but when they crossed the line, i didnt even snap at them. I just kept quiet. So yeah, now you know when i keep quiet, that means something's wrong. Last year, one of my friend loveeeee to tease me so much that whenever i'm having my recess, he'll come over and say:"Stop eating fat pig, you should start slimming down, don't eat so much." I wasn't hurt by this. I was hurt by the next thing: During racial harmony day, he asked me what i was planning to wear on that day. When i haven't even reply, he said:"Aiya, confirm cannot fit in."

There was one point in time that i broke down. I literally broke down. I told myself that i CANNOT let those tears fall down. Because when you let them fall, you'll lose. I don't really hate that friend now because i forgive the past. I hurt a lot of people while defending myself these years. I hurt the people i love. I'm still immature, i gossiped a lot, typically the #2 gossiper in the whole entire school. Whatever social news, i'll somehow know. I got into trouble because of this too. So i tried my very best not to gossip. If i don't gossip, those feelings inside my mind will pile up and i'll typically suffer a depression. Yeah, so that's about my friend.

What hurts most is that your own family also insult you. My mum always say that im fat. Yeah i know im fat. I always shoot this back to her. But there was one point in time that i got so hurt i ran out of the house and came back 5 hours later. You are my mum and you're supposed to support me, not insult me. I understand that you are trying to motivate me to slim down. But do you know how hard i tried and do you think that i want to look like this?! I always looked at others and console myself that there are others that are way more fatter than me and they wanted to look like me as much as i wanted to look like professional models.

So yeah i think i should end here.

Thanks for reading ! ;)